Doubt

April 1, 2014

“…In that dreamy, almost-endless passage between where we began and where we find ourselves in this lifetime, there have been almost immeasurable opportunities for self-doubt, almost immeasurable circumstances in which our lacks and our failures succeeded in undermining whatever confidence, whatever belief we may have had in ourselves.  We may have believed at some point that anything was possible, but then a hundred and then a thousand circumstances and events collided with that notion and brought us into doubt.  Doubt is the common and almost inevitable lens through which we see ourselves and our potential—so common, in fact, as to go almost completely unrecognized in its day-to-day guises, in its insistence, in its pervasiveness.  Because who could imagine that all those lessons and all those circumstances—that, indeed, all those failures—are nothing more than misperceptions, mistakes made innocently but conclusively, a wrong view reasserted so often as to seem to be the only view at all?  It is only in acknowledging the possibility of this vast and far-reaching mistake that we begin to see our doubt as something not founded in reality but leaping out of illusion.  This confounding way that we were wrong every single time is the fact of things—almost impossibly improbable, but true nonetheless.  When seen as they truly were, all those circumstances and all of those failures appear not as ways we have been diminished, ways we have not reached our potential, but rather as the very unfolding of that potential, a way that we have been and continue to be all things manifest in form, the great, holy mystery of variety itself made alive and concrete….”

3 Responses to “Doubt”

  1. You do not think people have real limitations?

    • I certainly do, but it is not those real limitations that tend to haunt and cripple people. I will never jump 10 feet or sing an aria, but I never think about that. I obsess on the job I didn’t get or my mother’s abusiveness; these are the things that generate and reinforce my self-doubt. And the only difference between the two, really, is that I believe I should have gotten that job or prevented my mother’s meanness—to me, these things seem to be failures. And this is my fundamental mistake, a kind of perpetual wrong view. In truth, my potential is made manifest through reaching for the job and opening to the abuse; this is perfect human unfolding. And it is the same when we ourselves are the transgressors, when we are cruel or hateful; this too is the great variety of manifestation unfolding, because these, too, are a perfect part of all things as they are. What we call “failure” is only a failure to see things as they are, and the great majority of our self-doubt is founded in this very illusion.

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