November 13, 2015

“At the top of the world, the pinnacle of experience, a window opens and you can see with unsurpassed clarity the total futility of everything you have achieved.  The pleasure is still there, the sensation that lured you all along, but what vanishes before your eyes is any notion of accomplishment.  We do not succeed here.  I’m not saying that we fail, though that is often what we call the feeling we have; I am just saying that it really was perfectly and literally for nothing.  There is nothing achieved, nothing built, nothing grown.  Nothing materializes at the point of that apex, nothing is grasped, nothing in fact is there, and so the futility of it dawns on us like a kind of clarity of impression, a kind of cleanness that all the acquiring and striving and becoming always masked.  And we notice this peak experience is just that, an experience, a feeling-state, a set of ideas, a conditioned response, a sense once more of ‘me’ being ‘me’ and believing in the perceived meaning of that.  But there is nothing gained.  And that window of clarity can—if it is permitted, if you do not turn away from it—bring a great disappointment, as all the ideas you had about the greatness of your own achievements and your own purpose, the importance of those things, come crumbling down about you.  But that is the very fall we most need, that sense of disappointment is itself the remedy; it is the remedy for the illusions, the remedy for the misdirected attentions, the remedy for the striving itself that is, when it is all said and done, too exhausting to be maintained anyway.  We need these peak experiences, we need to push the limits of our own ambition, we need to test ourselves, and we need to find what’s really here; there is no substitute for this experience.  But the great and beautiful result of this all is that we will fall.  We will be disappointed.  We will glimpse the pure and total emptiness at the very height of the world’s experiences.  The fall is the magic.  The fall is the landing place.  The fall is the love.  Be let down a little more completely than you allow yourself now.  Be disappointed; there is truth there.  And when the pure futility of all of that achievement, the absolute emptiness of everything you thought you had gained shines before you, please let it light you up.  Let it light up your vision, light up your knowingness, light up the truth; and let that radiant, beautiful fall be your perfect relief.”


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